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Extraordinary ReviewHere was a story I desperatedly tried to like, for it had an intriguing premise from the start. Interesting situations, potentially likeable characters and a nice twist somewhere in the middle.However, here's an author that, although he seems able to grasp all the necessary story elements (I sampled Sara Bear, his other book for the sake of comparison; grab that one instead), is apparently unable to make a decent lift off: the promising characters lack enough development, have almost aimless motivations and the story is told in unmanageable linear and straightforward chunks of text; no scene breaks, poor handling of story flow and there's no feeling of time passing in the tale, which are important elements in what is supposed to be a detective mystery. Also the pacing is wrong... it starts nice and slow as a good mystery should, but it suddenly starts to move with the speed of a landslide.
Taz, the 10-year old heroine wiz-kid, seems to be pulling cute stunts of superior thinking and skills without even blinking; it made me feel as if she was a prestidigitator pulling hankies and ace cards from her sleeves. She has a devil-may-care attitude toward it and she doesn't even seems to be stumped or even daunted by the troubles ahead.
Heavens! even the great Nero Wolfe has been put in a dumbfounded position once or twice, confound it!
Now, there's something else that bothered me... and it was the preachy tone the book had concerning education and school-related sports. It was as if the author was acting like a nutter in Hyde Park, standing on a soapbox and yelling at me his viewpoints on the subject matter. I should know, for I've been guilty of that same sin in my first novel, AI Rebellion; I noticed it in the first draft, and did my best to hammer out the most of it in my second and third draft.
If this author does a major re-write, fleshes the story out with some more character motivations, puts a leash on Taz and her bag of superior skills, weeds out some of the preachy tone and has a careful eye on the pacing, he'll likely end with a potential hit in his hands.Extraordinary OverviewWhen Jubal Slade moved his family to Texas and tried to enroll his children in the local school system, they discovered something amazing. The boys had wanted to play sports in High School, but the demands and restrictions of local coaches allowed for only one option for his children, Oatman High School. His daughter, a gifted and extraordinary young girl, discovered that Oatman's lowly status among the community's schools went way beyond the sports programs. Could the discovery of cameras and recorders at the children's new school be tied to their recent move or their mother's research work? The family, along with their FBI appointed protector Wiley, uncover corruption and cover-up while helping rebuild Oatman's disheveled football program into a winner!Approx. 91,000 words.
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